Gotta love 'em Long & Hard!

I was ordering a submarine sandwich the other day and I experienced one of the oddest, most uncomfortable moments of my food consumption life. I ordered the "Milano" sub, which comes complete with 2 kinds of ham, genoa and provolone. Seems easy and forthright, no? Well it doesn't end there. The next two questions caught me a bit off guard. The "gentleman" assisting me politely asked, "Long or Short? Hard or Soft?" I responded hesitantly, "Can I get a long and hard one please?" Then came rushing back the awful memories from ago that I had successfully repressed for the last 15 years.